I hate all girls vehemently.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
its liver damage thursday
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