I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
