In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
