why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
