I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
