I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
