my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
