I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
