Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
