i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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