he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
