You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Randomize
