four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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