i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
