So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Non-Jews are for practice
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
