This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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