I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im holly from the hills drunk
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
