i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
