Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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