I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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