I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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