All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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