hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
