Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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