i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
