im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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