so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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