My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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