listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
handjob tips. give me some.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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