He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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