I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
