god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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