Cold hands, warm shart.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
