That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
