PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
