FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
