god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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