so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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