It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
