Pants 0. Shit 1.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my being single is dangerous.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
