I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
