I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
