i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
