Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
