I feel great
I just peed on a car
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
