brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
