my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So I just went to clothing optional bar
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
