Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
