I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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