who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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