I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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