i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
