hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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