How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
