She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
