Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
