I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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