oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
