Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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