Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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