she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
