she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I came so hard my ears popped.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
