38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
