Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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