escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
