I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
