just come out here and I will go home with you...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
