He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
