smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
